Controlling My Thoughts

Because of recent events, I have had trouble controlling my thoughts. I get angry about some past offense, and my mind gets into a pattern of imagined diatribes or vengeful actions against the object of my anger. I fill with rage and sorrow and may go for hours repeating the same thoughts and getting more and more upset. I feel the blood run to my face and neck, and my stomach sours. I try various ways of distracting myself. Sometimes these work, but often they don't. The negative thoughts keep blazing up anew.

This struggle has caused me to realize just how important thought-control is to achieving our goals; whether the goal is getting a good nights sleep, doing well on an upcoming exam, or treating others the way we should. Imagine what it would be like if you perfectly controlled every thought. You would never feel lonely or angry or defeated unless you wanted to.

This ability to control ones thoughts seems to be what is lacking in Stoic philosophy. Stoicism points out that our minds can control our emotions, and therefore happiness or calm is always within our power. But Stoicism only tells us we have the power, yet doesn't get us closer to using that power. It's all well and good to know that your child's sudden death need not upset you--that instead you can recall the happy times and count yourself lucky for having known him, but being able to pull this off in the midst of the tragedy is quite another thing. Still, memorizing Stoic sayings, such as those that pepper this blog, has helped tremendously. Such sayings make guest appearances in my thoughts throughout the day (and night, often enough).

My Christian faith points to several solutions as well, and actually gives aid, rather than just encouragement. "Ask and you shall receive, that your joy may be made complete." "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." "I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says, do not fear, I will help you." The reading of verses such as these, combined with prayer and singing, has often pulled me from the thoughts that I wrestle with. But not always. I also feel that many of the other solutions I'm mentioning here have been given to me by a loving and compassionate creator. Especially this next.

Friends can certainly help. At least three different people have provided comfort and help in three different ways. One, having gone through similar things, is able to encourage me by showing that there is life on the other side of the crisis. And not only life, but a better life. Another, has given me the very manly advice, "get over it." "Stop being a wimp and a fool." That seems harsh, but it was actually very needed and helpful. The third friend is a master at distracting me. He engages me in conversation about other things, refuses to feed my obsessive comments, and gets me playing chess or watching movies.

Still other help comes from psychology. Thought-stopping--noticing the start of the unwanted thoughts, mentally screaming STOP!, relaxing myself with a few deep breaths, and then rewarding myself with pleasant thoughts--is very effective. It would probably be even more effective if I rehearsed the behavior when I don't need it, rather than in the midst of the crisis. Another helpful method is in talking to myself as a friend. I can lend myself encouragement and praise myself for the things I've done well that day.

Exercise has also given me relief. It's hard to think when you are struggling to catch your breath or lifting a heavy weight. This breaks the destructive thought patterns. Exercise also floods the body with endorphins, lending natural good feelings that combat the negative thoughts.