Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Concentrate on Changing Myself Rather Than Others
I am finding that the more time I spend about thinking about how others have wronged me, or about what they *should* be like, or about how they will get their comeuppance, the more unhappy I am. The more time I spend concentrating on what I am doing *right now*, the happier and more satisfied I am.
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Concentrating on others faults, seems to me to be the greatest of my problems. If one concentrates only on his own feelings, emotions, and faults, everything else falls into place. At least, the majority of the time it does. For example, if someone is being mean and hateful to you, you can concentrate on how you respond to them rather than on how they are acting. You can congratulate yourself for your patience, kindness, etc. even if it does not make a change in the offender. Frequently, your good mood and kindness will change theirs. But don't ACT with the purpose of changing them. Rather BE the way you think is a picture of your best self. Changing the emphasis changes the whole focus. Now, your feelings aren't hurt. You end up either glad that you were able to control yourself or dissappointed in yourself. Your energies are spent on yourself rather than on them--after all, for whom are we ultimately responsible?---only ourselves. My goal is to be able to be my best self without having to think about it, without running through the littany of the possible reactions I could have and finally settling on the high road.
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